Top ten things never to say to a single woman at a wedding:
1.
You're next.
2.
Why aren't you married?
3.
Maybe you should lose some weight.
4.
What about (insert name here)? He's a nice boy.
5.
You're next.
6.
Maybe you're called to singleness.
7.
Can you babysit tonight?
8.
Did you ever consider being a missionary?
9.
Just don't think about marriage, and it will happen.
10.
You're next.
From:
Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?
Married
women, lend me your ears. Do not, under any circumstance, utter any of these
phrases! Although funny, they are too often repeated. Read on about some of the
struggles single women face and how you can biblically encourage them. Singles,
you will likely hear at least one of these if you have not yet, so rehearse a
gracious answer. These phrases can further our heart struggles, and plant
doubts in our minds. With that in mind, let us examine our hearts and the many
issues that keep us from thriving. Following are some key heart issues that can
be a struggle:
•
Believing lies. We hear many lies, and as our minds start to believe them, they
take root. We are bombarded by the world's images of beauty, and we start to
believe the lie that we are single because of our external image: I am too fat,
I need more makeup, or I need more stylish clothes. We then get obsessed with
changing these things in hopes of attracting a mate. Another lie we hear is
that we just need to focus on being the right person, and then we will find the
right one. Well, I guess I am not the right person yet! We are told that when
we least expect it, then it will happen. Okay, I am going to work on least
expecting it! We fall into the trap of "If only:" if only
there were more guys at my church, if only I could be funnier, if only I was
prettier, if only....It is not easy to keep our minds thinking on truth and
fighting all the lies. Philippians 4:8 reminds us to think on those things that
are true and pure. We must practice the put off, put on principle of Colossians
3. We must put off the lies we hear and believe, and constantly fill our minds
with truth. It is not an easy fight, but an all too crucial battle that has
staggering implications if we fail, but one that is possible to win with the
Lord’s help.
•
Mistrust. It is hard to trust God’s plan. We think that we know better than God
what our needs are, or that we need to do something to make a relationship
happen. However, God is all powerful and more than able to accomplish His will.
Our pride can often get in the way of our trusting Him and resting in His plan.
Carolyn McCulley challenges us: "If we are still alive, the story of God’s
grace in our lives is still being written. We don’t know the future. Only He
knows the beginning from the end and so it is arrogant to assume we can survey
our circumstances and conclude we know what God is doing." God’s plan for
our lives is holiness and bringing Him glory. He has given us all we need to
accomplish this: "His divine power has granted to us all things that
pertain to life and godliness" (2 Peter 1:3). It is up to us to obey and
trust Him.
•
Idolatry. We see others’ happy relationships/marriages and want that for
ourselves. Yes, marriage is wonderful and a good thing to desire, however, our
desire can quickly become an idol. Envy and jealousy then have free reign and
our lives are not ruled by joy anymore. We will discuss idols in the next
issue.
•
Discontentment. We let discontentment have reign over our hearts. We forget
that Jesus is enough. If the only thing that Jesus did for us was save us from
sin, it would be enough! But He continues to do so much more. Psalm 107:9
"For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good
things." He is our treasure and when we are discontent, we trample that
treasure.
•
Loneliness. We are lonely and want to be loved. Every person was created with a
hole and the only thing that fits that hole is Jesus. Yet we try to cram other
things into it: things that we think will satisfy us, that will please us.
Remember God’s promise in Hebrews 13:5c: "I will never leave you nor
forsake you." Rest in His presence, His faithful, continual presence.
There will be times of longing for companionship and it is tempting to let the
focus on ourselves grow. That is when we must get outside ourselves
(Philippians 2:1-18) and go serve, being careful not to stifle ministry. 1
Corinthians 10:24 "Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his
neighbor."
•
Unthankfulness. We do not like the gift God has given us, and in our pride,
think we know of a better gift. I never liked it when people told me singleness
was a gift. I did not want that gift! I wanted marriage! I kept slapping God in
the face and trying to throw the gift back to Him. Singleness is, for now, a
gift and it is a good gift! Psalm 84:11 says, "For the Lord God is a sun
and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold
from those who walk uprightly." How sweet! God only gives good things. He
only gives things that are for His glory and my good. Elizabeth Elliot
challenges us: "If you are single today, the portion assigned to you for
today is singleness. It is God’s gift. Singleness ought not to be viewed as a
problem, nor marriage as a right. God in His wisdom and love grants either as a
gift. An unmarried person has the gift of singleness, not to be confused with
the gift of celibacy, which usually refers to one who is bound by vows not to
marry. If you are not so bound, what may be your portion tomorrow is not your
business today. Today’s business is trust in the living God who precisely
measures out, day by day, each one’s portion."
•
Suffering. When singleness feels like suffering, we are called to rejoice: 1
Peter 1:6-7 "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if
necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested
genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold that perishes though it is
tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the
revelation of Jesus Christ." Let us choose to be steadfast and live for
His glory and honor! Carolyn Leutwiler in Singleness Redefined encourages us:
"The suffering of the saints allows God's redemptive work to be seen all
the more. As individuals continue to live by Christ alone and praise Him in the
midst of pain and trial, He is glorified."
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