This is an article that I wrote for the Encourager (a women's "magazine" for FBC).
Growing up, I used to dream of a handsome guy who would someday sweep me off my feet. I had fantasies of getting married, and being blissfully happy and having no cares in the world. That’s how it works, right? I had the view that if I just had a relationship that I would be happy. All my problems would be solved and I would have great purpose in life. This, of course, only fueled daydreams and hopeless crushes on boys. As I grew older, I went from one crush to the other, one fantasy relationship to the next, to try to ease my loneliness and pain of discontent. What I didn’t know was that the empty spot in my heart could only be filled by Christ! He wanted to be my purpose and my satisfaction. I didn’t trust that God was enough for me, and that He was my purpose. I was caught in a never-ending emotional roller coaster, an exhausting trip! It took a long time for God’s Word to saturate my heart and change the deep-seated lies that I had believed and told myself. God was longing to fill me and to lead me in His purpose for my life. His Word helped me to get my eyes to change direction from focusing on me and my dreams, and to focus on Him and let Him satisfy me.
God’s grace also taught me that my singleness is a gift, a grace, from Him and for His glory. This truth took awhile to grip my heart. As I studied the Word, passages like Psalm 62, Psalm 37 and others started to ground my emotions, and joy took the place of discontent. These passages continue to challenge my heart.
Psalm 62:5 “My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.” This verse is such a conviction to me. Do I wait in silence for God? Or do I plow ahead in my own plans without waiting for His guidance? For a long time, my hope was on the future and on my dreams of what the future should look like, not in Jesus and His promises. Year after year, as those dreams didn’t happen, my heart would be shattered. But now my hope is placed on Christ, and kept there by His grace.
Psalm 37:3:”Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.” Do I trust the Lord and His Word? Or am I earthly focused-placing my trust in people, in a job, in a relationship, etc.? My desire is to dwell with joy in the place where God has me. This concept has really challenged my heart! I don’t want to fight the place where God has me, but dwell there, and then develop faithfulness as I joyfully live in that place. I want to actively seek to be faithful there, not just live there half-heartedly. I fought that for a long time! I didn’t want to be single, I wanted to be married: desperately. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be married. However, more than that, my heart wants God’s will for my life and as I learn how to trust the Lord more fully each day, my heart rests in the place where He has me, and I love it!
Psalm 84:11 “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord gives grace and glory; no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” This verse challenges me! This means if I am walking uprightly, that everything in my life today is good! All of it! Therefore, what I might see as lack of something (or someone) that I desire, the Lord does not see it as a lack, but that my life is full of what He wants and He has declared it good! Are my eyes so focused on me, that I am unable to embrace that truth? May it never be! May my heart always see the things in my life as good, and remember that the Lord is guiding the steps of my life and He has put my exactly where He wants me. Beyond the Lord graciously granting to me the good, He has done it so that my life can bring Him glory! Everything He’s given me is for His glory! He is consumed with proclaiming His glory and we get the privilege to be His vehicles in that! It is not about me, my needs, my desires; it is about God’s glory being displayed! I want everything in my life to fully display God’s glory!
