During one of my
trips to Russia, while I was discussing marriage with my Russian sister Julia,
she surprised me with, “But Tanya, you said that you didn’t want to be
married.” “What?” I responded. “I want to be married. I really want to be
married!” “But you said that you are happy being single.” I chuckled as I
thought about how a conversation one year earlier had not crossed the language
barrier very well. I had mentioned that I was content being single but must not
have explained that I still want to be married! As we closed the conversation,
Julia assured me that she would pray for me to be married someday.
I cannot leave
this series on singleness without talking about marriage. Just because one is
content in her singleness does not mean that she does not desire marriage.
However, we have to guard the strength of that desire and make sure it does not
consume us. My desire for all of us, married or single, is that we would be
women who love Jesus, are wholly satisfied in Him, and are fulfilling His plan
for our lives.
I remember vividly
the day I heard someone say that the ultimate purpose for marriage is God’s
glory. I had never thought about that and as I wrestled with this truth, it
changed the way I viewed marriage and singleness as a result. Marriage is not
designed to meet our desires, or to make us happy. It is designed to display
His glory. As John Piper wrote in This
Momentary Marriage, "The meaning of marriage is the display of the
covenant-keeping love between Christ and his people." Marriage is a
picture of Christ's relationship with the Church, and its purpose is to display
the gospel.
As these truths
took root in my heart, it confronted my longing to be married. I wanted to be married
because I did not want to be alone forever. I wanted a loving husband who would
provide for me. I wanted companionship. I wanted someone to hold my hand and do
life with. Again, let me emphasize, it is not wrong to desire marriage. But I
had to ask myself, what is my greatest desire? Is it for myself, or is it for
God to be glorified and put on display? I began to see that I could not demand
marriage from God anymore. My heart’s longing became for His plan for my life
so He could receive the most glory.
Preparing to be
married is a profitable discipline, even if singleness is our only
“relationship status” in life. Following are some areas we need to consider,
whether we ever marry or not:
*Pursue being a Proverbs 31 women.
She most certainly did not become who she was overnight, or as soon as she was
married; she was already that woman. She disciplined herself and surpassed many
women who had done excellently. She feared the Lord and her life works flowed
from that. Let us be women who emulate her, fearing the Lord and pleasing Him
alone. An encouraging book in this pursuit is Becoming a Woman Who Pleases the Lord by Ennis and Tatlock.
*Guard your heart. Proverbs 4:23
admonishes us, "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the
springs of life." As women, our thoughts can run far and fast. It is easy
to let our minds wander and soon we are imagining life with this guy or that
guy. We must discipline our minds to think on truth and to fight
wandering. Our thoughts will direct our emotions, so let us fight for truth.
Memorize scripture so that when those moments of fantasy come, you can stop
them with the Word. Guard your heart from the desire to pursue a man. That is
not your role. Remind yourself that if he is not pursuing you, he is most
likely not interested in you. It is our job to wait for the Lord to work and
move his heart.
*Do him good now. Proverbs 31:12
"She does him good, and not harm, ALL the days of her life." If you
look at the single guys around you and wonder which one is “the One” or look at
each as a potential mate, you are cultivating wandering eyes and a wandering
heart. Once you get married, this will be a hard habit to break! Instead,
cultivate a heart that considers all guys as brothers in Christ. And treat them
as such. Unless you are engaged or married, you probably do not know who your
future husband is. All other men are intended for another woman. Are you
treating guys in a way that you would not be ashamed if your best friend
married one of them? Are you treating them in a way that your actions today will
not hurt your future husband? Are you looking at guys like you would want your
future husband looking at other women?
*Be submissive to the authority in
your life. Usually, this is your father. If your father is not saved, the Bible
says you are still to honor him. There is promised blessing in honoring our
fathers. Do not take yourself out from under that blessing. If your father is
unable to give you wise counsel when it comes to a future husband, cultivate a
relationship with an elder or pastor who can be by your side. It is easy as a
single woman to live independently and more so as the years progress. I fight
this temptation by seeking my father’s wisdom in big and small issues.
*Develop a heart of contentment. We
have discussed this before, but if you are discontent now with singleness (or
anything else) you will take this into marriage. You will have expectations of
your husband (and then kids, and then…) that he cannot fulfill. Seek the Lord
as your only satisfaction; cultivate a heart of contentment in Him alone.
Singles: Desire
marriage, but desire God’s will the most. John Piper encourages us, "God
calls you to display, by the Christ-exalting devotion of your singleness, the
truths about Christ and his kingdom that shine through singleness."
Marrieds: Pray for
future husbands for the singles in your lives. That is a huge encouragement to
us, so tell us! Then also encourage us in our pursuit of living contentedly,
pursuing God’s plan for our lives.
No comments:
Post a Comment